I miss my bereavement group

One of my most cherished experiences ever was the shared pain I felt during the many sessions of my bereavement group. Those were some powerful moments; being able to open up and discuss such a profound loss without feeling like I was making others feel uncomfortable or like all I was after was self pity. All I wanted, all I needed, was for someone to listen who knew firsthand what it was like to lose someone. I had never had that type of discussion with anyone before. I had never thought about death so seriously before. Being able to share that with a group of people and listening to them share back was powerful. It didn't make me feel any less scared for all of us and our mortalities on the line, but it felt good to openly talk about something that is so taboo. Death is so mysterious. Not a day goes by where I don't reflect on it and am so happy that I am still here and that my friends are still here and that my family is still here. By now I have been through a few deaths, one of my best friends and both of my parents. Mourning my mother is always fraught with some type of guilt. There are so many things I wish I had done differently. We fought a lot and I spent a lot of energy disliking her or feeling ashamed because of her. And I feel like there were not enough good times between the two of us. I just didn't think her life would end so soon. There were things that I couldn't say to anyone of my friends or family, but I could say them in front of a group of strangers who were brought together by a common death thread. The bereavement group saved me, especially since I lived far from home and had no quick access to friends or family anyway. I had moved to California from New York. Everyone was in New York and my poor mother suffered with cancer for ten months while I was on the other side of the country. The bereavement group helped me tremendously. I went for about six months, I think. I moved back to New York eventually, and despite being surrounded my family and friends again, I still need that group.